Today a year ago at 11.24 am I had a chance to hug April for the first time in my life. I’ll never forget this moment! I’ll never forget my water breaking at 4 am, I’ll never forget how fast Nathan got up and how many times he said “we’re going to have a baby today!” I’ll never forget a way to the hospital in which I couldn’t believe what was happening. I couldn’t believe that that day I’ll see my baby, the one who I felt from inside of my belly before. I don’t remember what I was thinking during labor but I remember what was happening. I suppose my thoughts were running around preparations for my next contractions because each new one was stronger and stronger. Nate was there with me, he breathed with me, hugged, massaged my back, talked to me. His help was priceless and even if I didn’t talk back I still really appreciated that he was there. I’ll never forget this feeling that my baby was so close that the only thing I wanted to do was greeting her in the world. And later this moment when I touched her head and a few seconds later I could hug her for the first time. This baby who I had in my belly just a moment ago. Suddenly they put her on my chest and I felt this warm, wet body and then I heard her cry. And that second everything changed.
This year was amazing! Of course we had some tough moments and I had enough sometimes but I can’t imagine living differently now. I can’t imagine that April wouldn’t be here. She brought much more light and happiness to my world. This is a person who loves being with me, when I come back home she runs to me with a huge smile on her face and she’s so incredibly trusting that I sometimes worry I’ll loose this trust accidentally. When she’s happy she’s all happy, her eyes shine, she waves her arms and laughs. When she’s sad then everyone around is sad because she frowns and has tears in her eyes. She’s very honest with everything and doesn’t pretend that it’s all good if it’s not. I admire that and I envy it a little.
It’s unbelievable how kids change and even though I knew that April won’t stay little for the rest of her life, each further change makes me excited. Her first wave, first smile, first step, first time in the ocean, in the pool, in the rain…
Right now she’s around 31 inches and around 23 pounds, she’s happy and healthy. She loves being outside so I often just open the door and she goes out. She spends there a really long time. She likes everything we’ve been giving her so far and she eats most by herself. Recently she started using a spoon. She’s very good at walking, she talks in her own language all the time and she can make pretty complicated sounds. She knows how to throw and push a ball, she tries running, she started feeding us with food, sharing toys giving them to others and she knows how to get down from the couch by herself. She started hugging the way that she wraps her hands around my neck and when she wants to be picked up she raises her arms up. When I put her clothes on she gives me her legs allowing me to put her pants on and later she waits like this with her feet up so that I can put her socks on. At the beginning it was hard for me to get rid of her old clothes. Meanwhile I learned this because she grows out of things pretty fast and I also love buying new stuff for her. I love watching her learning new things, when she spends 10 minutes on something, gets frustrated and then laughs looking at me because she figures out how things work. I love it and I feel like my whole body is happy. I sometimes can’t describe what it is exactly because I never felt that before. Ever.
Before I got pregnant I read and heard that a lot of women forget about the pain, stress and all the negative things at the moment when they hold their babies for the first time. I also read that they feel as if their heart is getting fuller with love. I had no idea what they talked about and I wondered if they maybe lie a litt.e
Now I know they don’t.
Happy birthday April!